It seems like it just doesn’t occur to anyone to shut up and listen to the other side long enough to hear and understand what they are afraid of…or why they seem to want to fight.

Sometimes a dog fight can be a good thing, if you are into fighting for entertainment, but it sure as heck doesn’t accomplish anything except to help the people managing the fight make more money.

Do you really have anything to lose by letting someone else say what they need and what matters the most?  Probably not, but you’ve been trained to think you do.   Attack and take away from them first, before they get you. But don’t complain about getting into a tangled mess that you can’t get out of unscathed.

It’s all about framework.  Who is framing how you think?  Are the issues that matter to you being framed the wrong way by someone who doesn’t want your voice to be heard?  Quite possibly…

A man – and not a very bright one – made a statement about women and God and caused my values to be framed poorly. This caused me to be misjudged as well, so I spoke up.  If you want to divide and polarize people and prevent solutions from being discovered, continue to say stupid things that lead to dog fights. That way no one is served.

If you want to see improvements, consider encouraging open and positive dialogue so that we can move forward and our children can benefit. Take some risk in letting others speak and give yourself time to consider, “What if they are right?” “Does that mean I have to be wrong…or embarrassed by giving in?” What do you have to lose really?

Speaking to the groups focused on damages to parents and children in legal matters:

You say you want reform, correct? But you want only your version of what the improvements should look like?

If you want to see waste and corruption diminished, then talk to the other side so that you face each other and keep more problems from developing between you while your backs are turned to each other.  Our fighting and condemning each other just gives the wrong people and programs a place to hide and go to work – on us.

When we fight and condemn, we close to door to solutions – and we open the door to opportunists willing to exploit us while we are distracted.   That is so much of the political fray, and too many would rather cling to negative emotions than work together.   So helping us fight more and solve less is BIG business.  And it’s NOT a good example to set for kids.  Do you think they are paying attention?  Of course they are…

But thanks to the nastiness on television networks I was able to use this an example for my warring twins to see how little is accomplished, how much we hurt each other, when we refuse to listen and to focus on blame.  We aren’t going to fix their need to fight with each other – their fears and resentments – overnight;  just like we won’t fix anything about politics, race, gender or religion overnight, but if we each choose ONE moment to hold back an attack and find a way to relate, give, compromise, forgive…then just maybe.  Maybe we can hope for something better over time.