Posts in "Mothers and Fathers" category

Motherhood According to God’s Plan

 

 It’s no accident that God made labor and delivery difficult (for most of us) and the same goes for the emotional rollercoaster caused by the joy, the fear and those pesky hormones.

But in my experience there is no greater good to do in this world than to mother children.

What is your world view? How do you see mothers, and grandmothers, shaping how we react to new or strange circumstances, to uncertainty or to the delightful sounds and smells of home-cooked meals and holiday decorations?

We could go on for hours discussing all of the ways that mothers impact our lives and how we as mothers, as parents, make a difference for each of our children. For now I’m interested in your thoughts on what God says about motherhood, so please take a few minutes to look up the verses below in your Bible.

Motherhood: A Task Worth the Effort

Motherhood references are found throughout the Bible, borrowing here from my *Women’s Study Guide given to me as a gift when I married the man who is the father to my twins.

Exodus 20:12  says mothers are to be respected.

2 Timothy 1:3-5 Children are to be lovingly nurtured by their mothers. *Children do not come off an assembly line, nor are they the by-product of an impersonal biological process; they are not trophies nor are they tools for control.

Isaiah 49:15 When Isaiah the prophet searched for an illustration of God’s constant love for His people, the best example he could find was a new baby’s mother. (Yes, I do know many fathers who are bonded/nurturing and vigilant so you’ll see posts about fatherhood as well!).

1 John 3:16 This is a truth that will transform any suffering or sacrifice into reward and joy: mothers have enduring love that even the most trying circumstances or rebellious child cannot dim (as my own mother knows).

As a mother lets go of her own life for the sake of her child, she is reminded of the depth and height and breadth of God’s love for her, and in a unique way she experiences the true joy of motherhood. Again, this is a truth that will transform any suffering or sacrifice into reward and joy.

Exodus 2:1-10 God has a plan for mothers.

Deuteronomy 6:6,7 The high calling is an all-consuming task.

Proverbs 31:28 The reward is worth the effort!

Anyone want to debate the value of a loving, nurturing mother?

If you agree, please share, comment, and add your own thoughts and scripture to posts on social media.

 

If you come across a situation where a mother is wrongfully being prevented from giving of herself, her time, care, love and wisdom, to her child please let me know. And stand by this mother; she and her child need all the support they can get.

 

Our Most Important Role

I first wrote this post in response to seeing how children are reacting to their parents going at each other, choosing to fight and litigate in courtrooms rather than putting their time, energy and financial resources into being available and providing more of what children need.

Children need our attention, and they need to see in our faces that all is ok. That we are ok in spite of what is going on around us.

Can you tune everything out and focus on giving a child, your own or someone else’s, what they need in this moment?

If you can, that makes you a special someone to this child looking to you for understanding, for the right words or just for your shoulder, your ear or a hand to hold.

Deb Beacham_My Advocate Center

In almost every case or situation brought to my attention, there is a child at risk – at risk of not getting these basic needs filled. In some of those cases, the risk involves emotional abuse, neglect, physical abuse and even sexual abuse.

Often I see that basic needs are not being met, or there is emotional abandonment along with increased stress, and this is happening because parents are persuaded to focus their time and attention elsewhere, when the most important thing in their world…this child…is going without.

Stay present in the moment.

No matter how frustrating, difficult or lonely your situation may be, make a point to look regularly into the eyes of the child who needs you to be all in, connected to what it on his or her mind.

Listen and look into his or her eyes for your clue as to what it is you are supposed to provide to make things better. Sometimes it is just your ability to be patient and available that brings peace.

If someone or something pulls at you or tempts you to ignore, to be too busy, to be missing from this child, trust your love and your gut to instead provide what is needed now for this child, as this is what will last a lifetime.

Now, months after writing this post, I am updating it to add that when I began studying the impact on children of family conflict and what is worsening and prolonging conflict, it became apparent that more and more children are being destabilized, even being set up to fail in how their parents are treated in court cases. We can see how mental health is being eroded as parents become LESS available while uncertainty increases.

These are the children who are becoming vulnerable to exploitation and trafficking, and this path to devastation is one we can turn around. But we need your help!

Get involved with Safe Harbor and the organizations such as Youth Spark and others in your community working to stop exploitation of our children and to help victims of trafficking recover.

Thank you!

Deb Beacham

Build a Bridge of Support

Asking for what you need is one of the hardest things to do, but it’s worth the effort.

Start now!

Bridge of Support_Deb Beacham_My Advocate Center

Family Stability

Is it good for you to know what’s coming?  What you can expect, or better yet, what you can or cannot control? I believe so, and I believe informing families improves stability.

Of course.  So that means it is true for your children as well.   Most of the concepts I’m exploring here have to do with helping us do better for ourselves but especially for our children.  If you are not a parent, but support children or parents in your community, you may learn about concepts or resources that you’ll want to share.

In my own journey I realized there was a lot of information and guidance missing that I needed at a critical time, so I set out to have questions answered and to identify the best resources that others might need as well.

If you would like to contribute to the public education now available through My Advocate Center to help more families avoid the pitfalls seen in our court system, please consider donating here. This method is not yet tax-deductible, so let me know if you prefer to use a method that will allow you to receive the deduction through one of our partner organizations.


What I learned is worth sharing.  The issues I address are meant to invite debate about more positive ways to resolve conflict and overcome challenges – or challenging people – with a central focus on the needs of children.

Just knowing the right questions to ask, knowing that accountability is possible, finding honest and trustworthy support…can make all the difference in how we function in life, how we protect our health and finances, and especially around how we care for and nurture our children.

When we are informed and well supported, we can properly set and follow through on expectations.  That benefits our children because we all have greater peace of mind.  With the right expectations, support, know-how, peace of mind…we can perform better, make better decisions, and ideally deliver what is needed.

So the conversation here is about empowering, creating new solutions and building toward better peace of mind, better health, greater productivity…and, yes, more laughter and joy.

Keeping it simple:  when we are at our best, we can serve God, each other and our children better.

Many of my topics come from daily life, as well as from being provoked in social media by friends I agree with and others I don’t.   My posts have less to do with what is reported in the news, and more to do with how I see us treating each other – and how that affects our children.

Many of the questions I raise also grow out of my observations of my own children and of other children & families:

When you learn to read the faces of children, you’ll see that they are telling you a lot about yourself.

Just know that if I call you out, I’m calling myself out as well.  Being transparent seems to work for me so I’m going with it.  None of us are perfect, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep learning and striving to do more with what we have, and to help our kids do better than we’ve done in the past.

What you can expect from me is candor, challenge, spirit (sometimes becoming “fight” when called for) and a genuine desire to both learn from my own mistakes and to help others do the same.

This desire gave birth to Connect | Inform | Empower and the warehouse of solutions and resources now called My Advocate Center.

On this blog and on My Advocate Center’s blog you’ll see a broad range of discussions, from children’s interests and parenting issues, including legal advocacy for parents and children, to issues that go to the heart of both social and business relationships.  I’ll probably get Global and Political and Spiritual at times – but always practical, always balanced and quick to consider perspectives other than my own.

What I ask of you as a reader is to please consider different sides of issues, and to help me Stand in the Gap that exists around many of the problems we face in this Community of ours.  Let’s set a better example: one we want our children to model after and carry forward with our help.

Your constructive feedback is always welcome here, and positive contributions are a great thing!

Thank you,

Deb Beacham

Deb Beacham, My Advocate Center
Deb Beacham, My Advocate Center

 

Focusing Parents on What Matters

Just Listen_My Advocate Center

It’s so easy to get lost in keeping up appearances, competing or trying to get the upper hand or trying to defend our positions that we forget about what matters.

Our kids need our focus on them, their safety, peace of mind and the assurance that we have things covered; it is not up to them to make us feel calm, confident, supported or reassured.

This video puts a fun spin on how we treat each other as parents, and on how we deal with our differences. Click the link below to the “Boys Germs” Facebook page and look for the video to the left. Enjoy!

This parenting clip is brilliant…must watch to the end!!

Posted by Boys Germs on Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Your Take-Aways

What am I about?

We may have met through friends, at the radio studio, by introduction on LinkedIn, or you may have found my name in a search about resolving conflict or addressing ethics issues that are causing harm to children and families.

What I do is not just for the sake of building a blog or about making noise; what I write and say on Pro Advocate Radio is meant to encourage transparency, debate, and the development and funding of SOLUTIONS. Ethical solutions that leave our families, children, businesses, schools and our state in a better place than where we found them.

Moral principles highlighted in green under the heading Ethics.
I’m a Peace-Keeper and Problem-Solver.  Marketing and promoting are secondary, a means to an end.  I’m after quality of life, solid mental and physical health, productivity and enjoyment. For all of us and especially for our children.

Children and our Community. If it is good for kids, then it is good for me and for you as parents, as educators and coaches, as financial, legal, healthcare professionals…and as leaders.

Here is where we may differ: I chose to take some risk by challenging bad practices and explaining how damages are being caused – avoidable damages – and daring good people to do something about it. Sometimes that means I’m not popular or politically correct in certain circles, and I take that as a compliment.

Also, there is a notion in some areas of “leadership” and governance, including governing boards of companies and agencies, that “Doing the Right Thing” by children, families and the public has to be difficult and expensive. Some have said, that’s just too big of a problem, that’s just how it is and has been for decades…so there’s nothing we can DO about it; but others are asking, how can WE make a difference?

I’m asking you to help create more voices who will ask that last question, to see how it is possible – not just IDEAL – to do the right thing as you pursue a career, a better quality of life, more influence and opportunity for yourself.

Many seem to think those don’t go together, that they are mutually exclusive. They are not.

Would you like to see the How and Why?  Yes…I can show you.

I am so grateful to be in a position to build profit and show returns on investments, while lifting others up. We can and should do more to protect and uplift people who need it, and we can be profitable and efficient while being effective. We can enjoy this work and even have fun doing it. I hope you agree!

Profit is not a bad word, so I would peacefully challenge anyone who speaks as if being an entrepreneur, investing for a return, or working like a capitalist is a negative thing, and ask them to look at our work, to look at the results and to see what scaling this work can mean for many more. This is why I use the #IDareYou hashtag on some of my posts. Why not take a hard look at how we can do better?

To those who are uncertain about supporting Social Enterprise, is there a way to meet in the middle? I believe so and also ask that you not label me or ask me to color inside the lines. It’s time for new attitudes and something different…both are needed to disrupt the status quo.

If you can relate to terms such Social Enterprise, Civic Venture, and can relate to being conservatively compassionate or a compassionate conservative, then you might already understand why I work and write the way I do.  If you saw the news coverage that included my work with My Advocate Center, then even better!  You are one step ahead in understanding the urgency of this work, and in knowing why I and others on our team ask for support.

The bottom line I ask everyone to focus on:

Where and how are you making a difference, and for whom? What does your power and influence or status do for others?  Specifically how are you using what you have and can do for children and families fighting for stability, health and to protect their relationships?

If you talk about the healthcare industry, the burden on our healthcare system, or on schools, law enforcement, the housing industry, etc., but you are only looking at it from the perspective of your insurance costs or shareholder value, then I’ll challenge you to rethink this a bit.

…Because the Damages to Children are having an impact on your bottom line. This has a lot to do with trauma, and addressing how we can prevent more injury and help victims recover faster. We have been covering this on Pro Advocate Radio, and I will address this topic in more detail in the white paper being produced for My Advocate Center and community leaders.

When you’re ready, let’s open up this conversation and see if I can help you learn what you need to know to make a difference in your own way!

What else should you know about me?
Well…I’m certain and confident in this work, in the advocate I’ve become and in the team we’ve built.  I am patient but impatient at the same time because of what I see daily. When blazing trails and taking on tough subjects, you also have to be bold, creative, persistent. Being inclusive is the only way we can really drive lasting change, so please join us!

Thank you for reading, for listening to Pro Advocate Radio and, as always, I’d love to have your feedback and your support in this mission,

Deb Beacham