Posts in "Health & Wellness" category / Page 2

Inspiration Comes in Many Forms

We often look for someone or something to be “perfect” before we focus on seeing inspiration or to follow someone’s lead.

This Dolphin Tale movie is one I’ve held dear since first seeing it, and the sequel was even better than the original movie. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did!

First, get to know the true story…

In my world I see many people being held back by something physical or emotional, and learned that it helps me do better for myself as I take the time to figure out what children need, or what their parents need…and it always comes back ten-fold.

So this film validates how I feel, and that is that it is worth investing in others, and helping more people get the message.  You won’t know the difference you can make for others, and for yourself, until you really let go, and DIVE in!

See what is possible, and go for it!

While you’re at it, follow and share the inspiration found here: @CMAHope @WinterDolphin @dolphintale @ CMAquarium

 

16 Rules – Taking One Per Week

Which one is your favorite?

Don’t just read these or smile over a few; take one with you each week or month, and let me know how you apply it?

  1. Get and stay out of your comfort zone.  (WHAT comfort zone??  Nov 2013 is when I realized there is no such thing for me as a comfort zone. I’ve learned to be comfortable with uncertainty, with not knowing what is behind doors number 1, 2 OR 3!)
  2. Never give up
  3. When you’re ready to quit, you’re closer than you think
  4. With regard to whatever worries you, not only accept the worst thing that could happen, but make it a point to quantify what the worst thing could be
  5. Focus on what you want to have happen
  6. Take things a day at a time
  7. Always be moving forward
  8. Be quick to decide
  9. Measure everything of significance
  10. Anything that is not managed will deteriorate
  11. Pay attention to your competitors, but pay more attention to what you’re doing
  12. Never let anybody push you around
  13. Never expect life to be fair
  14. Solve your own problems
  15. Don’t take yourself too seriously
  16. There’s always a reason to smile.

Forget “One-a-Day” — best policy is to live with each concept thoroughly and get it right before focusing on the next.  I’ll add my own comments in parentheses after each rule, so please share and add your own as well.  What do these rules mean to you, and how will you apply them?

Thanks to my dear friend who knows my fondness for digital marketing leaders like Bob Parsons, and shared this with me recently.

 

Bob Parsons® 16 Rules for Success in Business and Life in General

Please read the entire text and share: Copyright © 2004 Bob Parsons http://www.bobparsons.me. All rights reserved. Reproduced with permission.

Worthy of What You Need

Considering messages given to us as parents, and to our kids:

Aren’t you thankful that you don’t have to be perfect?

child learning how to make a pot on a pottery wheel, old potter

Has anyone told you that you DO have to be perfect in order to be worthy of their support, or of being believed?

Many of us grew up understanding that if we were “worthy” or “good enough” we would get the validation, time or support that we craved.  We missed out on something and became vulnerable as we went out into the world searching for what we felt we needed that was not given to us as children.

As adults many of us struggle with having love withheld – unconditional love – in marriages and relationships.   We might also struggle with an employer who withholds positive feedback or makes us feel like we somehow don’t measure up.  We feel the sting of missed opportunities or of a betrayal.

Being told that you don’t measure up, and therefore are not entitled to support – or that you are not worthy of being believed or even protected – is a tactic that we hopefully learn to recognize as we get older.

But this tactic only works for as long as we allow it to work.

Once we get it that we really do NOT need to be perfect, or to be exactly as someone else dictates to us, we can claim our worth.  We can expect to be treated better by those around us.

This is the phase I’m in with my children; helping them see that their value is not attached to their grades or to their level of sports competition, or to which friends they have or don’t have.

This is also a common theme with so many parents who talk to me about what they are facing as they work through conflict with each other and with family court professionals.

The rest of this note is for the many parents who are expressing to me or to My Advocate Center’s team that they are being told, You are so flawed that you can’t expect any better in this situation.”  They are hearing these comments directed at them as decisions are being made about parenting time and parenting rights.

Apparently you must be “perfect” to be allowed to make decisions about the care of your child, or to be allowed to freely nurture and give to your child.  Certain professionals claim authority and claim that in their perfect wisdom that they can tell you – the parent – that you do not measure up somehow, and that you must be fearful and in some cases be prepared to BUY time with your children.

Of course, no one is showing these parents what “perfect” looks like.  And parents in most cases are not given the chance improve upon their alleged shortcomings before finding out they’ve lost everything.  Many are not even allowed to see the results of their evaluations and tests to learn what their actual flaws and faults are…when those things are being used to take away CHILDREN.

No, it’s not right how these parents are being treated – and it’s not right what is being done to their children in the process.   

There is no “win” in this for the children, only for the professionals holding these families captive and able to control time, decision-making and all of the family’s financial resources.

And just imagine how the kids feel seeing their parents under this much stress?   If a parent is beaten down and made to believe they are not worthy, and have no rights and no chance, what do you think this does to a child’s peace of mind, sense of self-worth and stability?

I can confirm for you that it is just BAD all around.   And completely unnecessary – – and preventable.

So let’s go back to the initial concept here:  if you are worthy enough to be allowed to parent your child, then say so.  Act like it.  If your child is worthy of having your love, time, nurturing and financial support, then say so.  Act like it.

If you are worthy of being believed and supported, say so.  Then act like it.  Send the right message to your kids by saying, “I am worthy of the best treatment, and therefore so are YOU.”

If the people around you – especially those who are working for YOU and who are hired to help protect your children and your rights – do not say so or if they do not act like they believe this, then why would you keep them around?

Aren’t you and your children worthy of getting what you need?   Please let me know if you still need help getting to that answer by emailing me through MyAdvocateCenter.com.

 

 

 

 

 

The Glass Ceiling

Someone came up to me recently and boldly said, “Who are you and where did you come from?”

I took it as a compliment and replied, “I’m an advocate working on improving community, health and performance.”  Where I came from:  Literally, Miami.  Figuratively, from a place where many don’t want to visit.

What you are seeing evolve online is the result of challenging myself to do more with what I have.

This began by watching young children in hospitals dealing with medical challenges – starting when I volunteered in high school and then through college, and as a parent of a Failure-to-Thrive child.

Then, as I watched disabled and in-pain wheelchair athletes compete and inspire a crowd, it dawned on me that I should be doing more with what I have.  So there you have it.

What are you doing to break through the Glass Ceiling that we place over and around ourselves?

What is Your Plan?

Kids and Improving Health

Why do I do much of what I do as an advocate and mother?

Because decisions and actions in our community are having a negative impact on the health of children.

How do I know?  Because I lived through watching my own children suffer unnecessarily while having the right help withheld from them – intentionally and with dishonesty – by certain members of our family court system.

The best gift we can give children this holiday season would be to step up and help resolve the confusion and uncertainty for them as their parents transition through conflict. There are several reasonable ways to do this, which we’ll be addressing in the coming months on our radio show.

As a parent can you imagine much worse than seeing that your children need help, and not being able to give it to them?  

Having your hands tied…while being lied to and made to believe that you have no choice but to let your own child suffer…when you could be providing needed care, nurturing, and psychological or medical treatment — things are ARE within your reach.  You don’t have to be a parent to imagine how terrifying or traumatic this might be… You just have to be human and breathing… And, YES, this is happening a lot, right in your own backyard.

Please ask WHY anyone would intentionally prevent a loving parent from protecting or providing treatment for their child.  Does this make any sense?

Since resolving my own conflict and gaining perspective on the family court arena, I’ve seen countless numbers of children having their health needs – including physical and emotional health – ignored and have even seen treatment withheld and denied when the diagnosis and financial resources were available.

This is child abuse and neglect, goes against the law, and in too many cases it is happening simply because of greed… and to reward foul play in a legal setting.   I’m asking you to look at this and decide where and when you can help.  It’s time.

This issue is like a cancer in our society, only we don’t know until it happens to us, and usually by the time we realize what has happened and what or why it is being done, it is too late to stop it from happening.

If you are offended by this notion, that this is going on, then I’ve done my job with this post.  But the bigger need is for you not to turn away from it but rather decide where you can lend your voice or resources or connections to help #MakeaDifference.

I’d appreciate your support – and these kids really need you.  Let’s see what we can do to ensure that your kids, your grandchildren, or your friends’ and neighbors’ kids don’t feel the impact of this problem. It “takes a village,” remember?  

There is more to what I do than challenging certain professionals around their poor judgment and lack of loyalty and honesty; this is about challenging more parents to recover faster from conflict, to take a look around and to really see how you can use what you’ve learned – and what you’ve earned.  Get out of your own situation, and find someone else to help.

If you’ve followed me in social media you know that I sometimes serve as a voice for families dealing with pediatric cancer.  My own children are involved because we are all so thankful that we are healthy and have the lives and privileges that we do, so we give back by uplifting other families and raising awareness for this issue.  We need greater funding for #PediatricCancer.  We need more heroes!  #YoungHeroes4KidsCancer (Stay tuned as we head toward March 2015 and the next St. Baldrick’s event in Atlanta/SandySprings.)

More success stories are needed to show what happens when we rally behind kids and give them what they need to overcome challenges. Check out Briana Hudson on Facebook to see what I mean!  #YoungHeroesLeague This girl and her family are making big things happen. She is one of my heroes!

Follow My Advocate Center to support us as we work to help families transition through and out of conflict, and as we advocate for policy changes that will make the legal process safer for families.  If we can #ImproveFamilyLaw then we have a better chance of letting kids receive the best that BOTH parents have to offer.  There is just no valid reason to do anything different and our laws support this mission.

Follow People Against Childhood Cancer if you want to learn more about how to help children that way.  Cancer in every form is AWFUL and deserves your attention, commitment, resources and your voice.  Please do what you can while praying this doesn’t touch your own family, neighborhood, church, business or school.

Above all, be grateful and be inspired to do more with what you have.

 

Pediatric Cancer: the Wicked Equalizer

How does your mind react when you read, “Counts are coming up”?

When you are missing the right perspective in your life, just go to a fund-raiser for kids with cancer or volunteer to help out a family in need.   Read about what Rally Foundation is doing with kids and athletes, how remarkable St. Baldrick’s Foundation is with their crazy-fun head-shaving events, or find others like them.

Subscribe to a blog about a particular child, and learn more on Caring Bridge. The little boy who taught me and my children about the journey families go through with pediatric cancer was Augustus, better known as Gus, and referred to by many as “Mighty Gus.”

http://augustusthemighty.info/counts-are-coming-up/ This was one of his mother’s blog posts to help us stay connected and aware of what to pray for.

Since I started this post a couple of years ago, Gus took a turn for the worse and his family had to let him go. It was one of the toughest things I’ve experienced, and my experience was only from a distance and over time. He touched our lives and that of many others, and his parents are examples of how to manage under stress and through grief. And then there are the medical bills.

Think about what is really a big deal in your world…and consider that your bad day or month isn’t such a big deal after all, is it?

Of course you know someone who has it worse than you do;  we all do.   But sometimes they fall from your mind or you just think there isn’t much you can do for them that will make a difference?   That isn’t the case when you get involved and start to care about any of the children around us who are struggling for their lives, fighting cancer, hoping for new treatments and for cures.

Planting seeds:

Can you think of one of the worst times in your life?   …I can.  In that moment, I consoled myself by saying, “Well, I’ve never been this scared, or this exhausted…but my CHILD does not have CANCER.   So these things I can handle – they are temporary – and we will recover.”   Yes, I actually said out loud, “My child does not have cancer, and I’m so grateful.”

Then I met Gus.  I learned from his mother and her supporters.   Gus battled cancer.   Gus had a lot of friends who have cancer, and every little bit you can give does make a difference for them.   Each of them is Mighty in his/her own way, and their parents/caregivers will stop you in your tracks, causing you to realize just how strong we are when we have to be for the sake of a child.

This video was produced last year by our friend Conn Jackson & is hosted on 11Alive’s site:
http://midtown.11alive.com/news/people/106787-help-fight-childhood-cancer

Talk:  I didn’t hear about pediatric cancer and THEN think that my life wasn’t so bad.   I knew to contrast these challenges with our own because of spending so much time in pediatric hospitals and in specialists’ offices.  This awareness came from my own experiences in mothering preemie twins, and from doing hospital volunteer work.   But not everyone has reason to come across the reality for these young patients.  It has to be revealed, and then spelled out to the average person who is super busy, dealing with their own challenges, more interested in what they are having for dinner, or cursing the traffic.

Awareness is key, and I’m asking that YOU not rely on others to do the sharing.

Please pick an organization AND a child – learn – and share.  Give, of course, when you can.

St. Baldricks and Rally Foundation are creating many more Heroes in the Fight against Pediatric Cancer, and my son Jack is one of them.  I’m so proud of him for choosing to be an ambassador in this, and his fund-raising page is just one example of how you can help. You will see a photo gallery showing more about his experience, and see that he is having fun while contributing.  You may even note what this has done for his confidence;  he is truly inspired and I believe you will be, too.

The next event we’re involved in is at Meehan’s Public House, Sandy Springs in March of 2015. I’ll update this page before then, or search for it online.

Come on out if you’re in town and join in; it’s a great way to have FUN while you learn and support:

http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/JackBeacham

jack and gus big smile

 

 

 

 

 

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Your Take-Aways

What am I about?

We may have met through friends, at the radio studio, by introduction on LinkedIn, or you may have found my name in a search about resolving conflict or addressing ethics issues that are causing harm to children and families.

What I do is not just for the sake of building a blog or about making noise; what I write and say on Pro Advocate Radio is meant to encourage transparency, debate, and the development and funding of SOLUTIONS. Ethical solutions that leave our families, children, businesses, schools and our state in a better place than where we found them.

Moral principles highlighted in green under the heading Ethics.
I’m a Peace-Keeper and Problem-Solver.  Marketing and promoting are secondary, a means to an end.  I’m after quality of life, solid mental and physical health, productivity and enjoyment. For all of us and especially for our children.

Children and our Community. If it is good for kids, then it is good for me and for you as parents, as educators and coaches, as financial, legal, healthcare professionals…and as leaders.

Here is where we may differ: I chose to take some risk by challenging bad practices and explaining how damages are being caused – avoidable damages – and daring good people to do something about it. Sometimes that means I’m not popular or politically correct in certain circles, and I take that as a compliment.

Also, there is a notion in some areas of “leadership” and governance, including governing boards of companies and agencies, that “Doing the Right Thing” by children, families and the public has to be difficult and expensive. Some have said, that’s just too big of a problem, that’s just how it is and has been for decades…so there’s nothing we can DO about it; but others are asking, how can WE make a difference?

I’m asking you to help create more voices who will ask that last question, to see how it is possible – not just IDEAL – to do the right thing as you pursue a career, a better quality of life, more influence and opportunity for yourself.

Many seem to think those don’t go together, that they are mutually exclusive. They are not.

Would you like to see the How and Why?  Yes…I can show you.

I am so grateful to be in a position to build profit and show returns on investments, while lifting others up. We can and should do more to protect and uplift people who need it, and we can be profitable and efficient while being effective. We can enjoy this work and even have fun doing it. I hope you agree!

Profit is not a bad word, so I would peacefully challenge anyone who speaks as if being an entrepreneur, investing for a return, or working like a capitalist is a negative thing, and ask them to look at our work, to look at the results and to see what scaling this work can mean for many more. This is why I use the #IDareYou hashtag on some of my posts. Why not take a hard look at how we can do better?

To those who are uncertain about supporting Social Enterprise, is there a way to meet in the middle? I believe so and also ask that you not label me or ask me to color inside the lines. It’s time for new attitudes and something different…both are needed to disrupt the status quo.

If you can relate to terms such Social Enterprise, Civic Venture, and can relate to being conservatively compassionate or a compassionate conservative, then you might already understand why I work and write the way I do.  If you saw the news coverage that included my work with My Advocate Center, then even better!  You are one step ahead in understanding the urgency of this work, and in knowing why I and others on our team ask for support.

The bottom line I ask everyone to focus on:

Where and how are you making a difference, and for whom? What does your power and influence or status do for others?  Specifically how are you using what you have and can do for children and families fighting for stability, health and to protect their relationships?

If you talk about the healthcare industry, the burden on our healthcare system, or on schools, law enforcement, the housing industry, etc., but you are only looking at it from the perspective of your insurance costs or shareholder value, then I’ll challenge you to rethink this a bit.

…Because the Damages to Children are having an impact on your bottom line. This has a lot to do with trauma, and addressing how we can prevent more injury and help victims recover faster. We have been covering this on Pro Advocate Radio, and I will address this topic in more detail in the white paper being produced for My Advocate Center and community leaders.

When you’re ready, let’s open up this conversation and see if I can help you learn what you need to know to make a difference in your own way!

What else should you know about me?
Well…I’m certain and confident in this work, in the advocate I’ve become and in the team we’ve built.  I am patient but impatient at the same time because of what I see daily. When blazing trails and taking on tough subjects, you also have to be bold, creative, persistent. Being inclusive is the only way we can really drive lasting change, so please join us!

Thank you for reading, for listening to Pro Advocate Radio and, as always, I’d love to have your feedback and your support in this mission,

Deb Beacham

Slaughter of Children

Few words are needed.   Dismay, shock, horror…those about cover it.  Unnecessary loss for so many. I wish I didn’t feel the need to write in response to school shootings or to reference other situations in which children are damaging themselves or others.

As a parent and human being your heart and mind reach out to the parents who lost their precious young children, the ones who deserved no harm and who deserved to be able to grow up and live out their lives.

This tragedy appears to be bringing many together, as well as firing up debate over causes and preventions.

It is making me even more determined to help a few understand how their decisions, or a lack of appropriate decision-making around how “high conflict” personalities are managed, are affecting children.

Much of what I write is geared toward a few —  some who want ideas, support, tools & resources with which to help awaken and drive change – and to others who are curious but haven’t yet accepted that they are a part of the problem…and that I am asking of all:  please become a part of the Solution.

The mental state of the shooter of these young children reminds me of another disturbed young adult – really a child in so many ways – and the process during which his mental and emotional state declined to where he is now.   Where he is now is sad.   Angry at the world, lacking in self-worth, and lacking in regard for how his behavior and addictions affect others.   Coping skills learned when support and nurturing and accountability and structure were removed from his life.  (Of course that is the consolidated explanation.)

This young adult who started out as a sweet child caught in a very high-stress conflict, is now a raging addict with an arrest record that would make you cringe.   There isn’t much hope for him to turn it around, but I hope I’m wrong.  I believe it could have been prevented – if proper legal and psychological counsel had been provided.

Legal counsel is invaluable where it recognizes the Needs of Children and works accordingly, upholding laws, rules as well as Fiduciary Duty.   When those things are lacking, more children are left unsupported and exposed – left to their own devices in the wake of a crisis, and that doesn’t always work out so well.

If you are uncertain and want to know more about a real life example of how poor case management, and withholding proper counseling and support can all play out for a child caught between dysfunctional parents, please email via My Advocate Center.   Connecting the dots for you is simple.

My point in expressing grief and anger is to explain what I know, and that is that certain professionals are aware that how they are treating families is leading to more dysfunction, addiction and abuse in teens and young adults.  We just have to decide that it’s not “fine” and to face the issues like we would face faulty wiring or plumbing that could lead to worse trouble and expense.

Since I wrote this post originally more lives have been lost, including that of the boy described above. Other teens have gone missing, and some are being held in lockdown facilities – not because they need to be there for treatment, but because that is how they can be silenced, and because it is profitable for certain court professionals to send them there.

This is real, it IS close to Home; and there IS something YOU can do about it.   Just ask.

 

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