Posts in "Parenting" tag
What can I say?
To our children
Call to action:
Poem about Success being Sweet
Success is counted sweetest By those who ne'er succeed. To comprehend a nectar Requires sorest need. Not one of all the purple Host Who took the Flag today Can tell the definition So clear of victory As he defeated – dying – On whose forbidden ear The distant strains of triumph Burst agonized and clear!
I first wrote this post in response to seeing how children are reacting to their parents going at each other, choosing to fight and litigate in courtrooms rather than putting their time, energy and financial resources into being available and providing more of what children need.
Children need our attention, and they need to see in our faces that all is ok. That we are ok in spite of what is going on around us.
Can you tune everything out and focus on giving a child, your own or someone else’s, what they need in this moment?
If you can, that makes you a special someone to this child looking to you for understanding, for the right words or just for your shoulder, your ear or a hand to hold.
In almost every case or situation brought to my attention, there is a child at risk – at risk of not getting these basic needs filled. In some of those cases, the risk involves emotional abuse, neglect, physical abuse and even sexual abuse.
Often I see that basic needs are not being met, or there is emotional abandonment along with increased stress, and this is happening because parents are persuaded to focus their time and attention elsewhere, when the most important thing in their world…this child…is going without.
Stay present in the moment.
No matter how frustrating, difficult or lonely your situation may be, make a point to look regularly into the eyes of the child who needs you to be all in, connected to what it on his or her mind.
Listen and look into his or her eyes for your clue as to what it is you are supposed to provide to make things better. Sometimes it is just your ability to be patient and available that brings peace.
If someone or something pulls at you or tempts you to ignore, to be too busy, to be missing from this child, trust your love and your gut to instead provide what is needed now for this child, as this is what will last a lifetime.
Now, months after writing this post, I am updating it to add that when I began studying the impact on children of family conflict and what is worsening and prolonging conflict, it became apparent that more and more children are being destabilized, even being set up to fail in how their parents are treated in court cases. We can see how mental health is being eroded as parents become LESS available while uncertainty increases.
These are the children who are becoming vulnerable to exploitation and trafficking, and this path to devastation is one we can turn around. But we need your help!
It’s so easy to get lost in keeping up appearances, competing or trying to get the upper hand or trying to defend our positions that we forget about what matters.
Our kids need our focus on them, their safety, peace of mind and the assurance that we have things covered; it is not up to them to make us feel calm, confident, supported or reassured.
This video puts a fun spin on how we treat each other as parents, and on how we deal with our differences. Click the link below to the “Boys Germs” Facebook page and look for the video to the left. Enjoy!
You would never expect me to say freedom is a little thing, would you?
For many parents, children, grandparents and even for their advocates, freedom to speak and freedom to protect are rights that we can lose, even right here in the U.S.A. That’s not the way it’s supposed to work, so we’re not prepared for it when this happens.
It’s not the best news to share that this is happening to us, no matter what we have going for us, no matter where we live or how innocent or good we are. We just don’t talk about it openly, and typically because we’re told not to… But when this silencing of parents and children happens…to avoid exposure and reporting of misconduct…what you see from the outside is a look of confusion, shock, depression or something you might say is off, but whatever it is, you want no part of it!
So I appreciate little things like being able to take rides on any open road, to open windows and to feel the cool air, and to enjoy kids waving their arms and singing loudly. They should always have this freedom to be kids and to be unencumbered with news of the challenges we adults face.
If you know how to make this easier for them…and have the means to support families in protecting these freedoms and the childhood pleasures most of us have taken for granted, please use your voice.
Help us keep the freedoms of childhood as they should be — building blocks for a healthy life.
Please connect with me here and off-line if you have ideas you’d like to share!
Talk less and listen more. Probably the best lesson I’ve learned in recent years.
Not easy when you have much to say and believe in what you’re doing; it seems so obvious but alas it is still hard to practice on a consistent basis.
As I was just pondering the near silence I started listening trying to determine the one sound in my environment…and I realized that is probably the biggest skill that we fail to employ at the most critical moments in our lives.
As a parent I have to pause in giving instructions and asking if teeth have been brushed, or reading assignments or chores done…and just listen and enjoy their facial expressions. Gauging what they need from me as they share something…being able to understand that need and give it to them is a gift. For my children and for me.
Listening to fellow entrepreneurs, like last night out to dinner, gave me the same feeling. They are brilliant in describing how they are going to transform a society or move a market, and it is a gift to be able to hear that and to applaud them.