Posts in "Deb Beacham Atlanta" tag

Advocating for the Truth

The last few years have been like playing hide and seek in getting to know the truth about what happens to parents and children when they have to go through our court system.

Too late, many parents caught in a Family Court matter realize the truth just doesn’t matter, and by then they are turned upside down wondering what happened, and how.

WHY was my evidence not used to protect me or my kids?  WHY did they tell me we would be “just fine” because the truth was on our side?

The numbers of children who are NOT fine is staggering, whether they are remaining with abusive or addicted parents, cut off from healthy parents, or if they are watching parents lose their homes because the “divorce got really ugly.”   The reality of the “ugly” is that legal fees are ratcheted up so high that parents too often cannot afford to keep homes, or cannot pay for college or medical/psychological treatment.

This is what it feels like to these children and parents: it is like being on the inside of a pinball machine, but you can’t get out and you have no control over what will happen next. This breeds uncertainty and makes decision-making nearly impossible. You react…really are just knocked around, until you can’t tell which way is up…or out. To those certain professionals managing these confused parents, they are looked at as pawns, and to some it seems this is entertainment, not just a way of earning an income.  When parents are treated this way – intentionally – it is certainly not advocacy.

Most people can’t relate to what this family is experiencing, and the professionals tell their clients not to talk about what is happening, and then they seal reports so that the truth never comes out.

For so many mothers and fathers, and for children who are being hurt in the process in some way or another, it boils down to the fact that our judges and custody “experts” do NOT have to consider the evidence we present to help us get through conflict safely.

It’s unfortunate but true that for certain Family Law professionals it is just too profitable for them when they keep evidence hidden — evidence that if used in Court might have otherwise put your case to rest and allowed you to get through it safely, and without losing your children and everything else you cherish.

The worst is when they cooperate – attorneys, custody experts and the judge – to suppress evidence of child abuse rather than using it to protect and uplift a child. The same thing applies when they put an innocent parent in jail, or cause them to lose their job in addition to their children and property.

In the process of suppressing evidence – to manipulate the outcomes of cases for their financial gain – they are severing relationships with nurturing parents who want to protect the child and end the fighting.  The damages to children are staggering, and many of these children never recover.  Parents who are blocked from caring for and protecting their own children…are also having a hard time managing and recovering.  Some do not.

The opposite of what should happen – based on the available evidence – is what is occurring on far too many cases all over Georgia.

Please write your legislators and simply say that we want our Georgia statute to say that Judges and court appointed professionals “shall” consider evidence, rather than “may” consider evidence. This is just one point for reform, and it may take time but it’s important.

It is time to end this suffering and to address the cycles of abuse, addiction and dysfunction where it is possible for our Courts to use evidence to intervene properly.   Where evidence and testimony are available to help put protections in place for children, and to support good parents, these should be secured on the record and used to protect.

Family Court practices that lead to ignoring evidence are worsening the situation.   The professionals who work this way are worsening mental health, stability and productivity; they are increasing the cycles of abuse and addiction.

Where you are seeing certain professionals cooperate with each other to block, suppress or ignore evidence – evidence of real abuse, or evidence that would exonerate an innocent parent who is falsely accused – please visit MyAdvocateCenter.com to report this data.

This post is being updated in October of 2015 as we acknowledge Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Please see this note shared on the MAC Facebook page that was written by a former family law attorney, and also read what I shared myself directly onto the page:

After many years of researching & working to understand why abused mothers, fathers & children are not receiving the…

Posted by Deb Beacham on Sunday, October 4, 2015

In all situations where evidence is ignored and the truth does not count, this leads to more loss, stress and trauma for the children and parents involved.   Please let us know how you can help address this, and how you can help involve our healthcare community so that these families can recover while we work on reforming bad practices.

If you see me around the Capitol, you know why I’m there.  Get involved.

The Truth has yet to be revealed, but it’s time. Help us save the lives of children and the parents they need with them.
The Truth has yet to be revealed, but it’s time. Help us save the lives of children and the parents they need with them.

Funding: Do More with What You Have

We have an urgent and growing need for intervention and greater awareness to protect children, and to restore them to loving parents and family members. This is at the core of the work I do with My Advocate Center.

If you feel blessed to be in a better position, to be thriving in your career, your home life and to feel fortunate to be able to provide for your children…or if you are just thankful to have your health, please consider doing more with what you have!

There are people, including children, who right now are in need of your support.  Every amount makes a difference, and I hope you’ll read and respond to this request today.

What can you do?  You can contribute here, and if you have another way to help influence more positive outcomes for families and children please let us know!

Please donate here, or contact our team at MyAdvocateCenter.com to learn about making tax-deductible donations or lending other support. My Advocate Center is not a 501(c)3 organization at this time, but is a registered Georgia Non-Profit company. Your support is greatly appreciated!



If you want to know more about me please visit my LinkedIn page, and learn why this alliance is growing quickly and why professionals and business owners are endorsing this work the way they are.  Please send me a note via LinkedIn or through MyAdvocateCenter.com. There are many ways to contribute!

Thank you for being a part of something unique and helping me and this organization make a difference!

Deb Beacham

16 Rules – Taking One Per Week

Which one is your favorite?

Don’t just read these or smile over a few; take one with you each week or month, and let me know how you apply it?

  1. Get and stay out of your comfort zone.  (WHAT comfort zone??  Nov 2013 is when I realized there is no such thing for me as a comfort zone. I’ve learned to be comfortable with uncertainty, with not knowing what is behind doors number 1, 2 OR 3!)
  2. Never give up
  3. When you’re ready to quit, you’re closer than you think
  4. With regard to whatever worries you, not only accept the worst thing that could happen, but make it a point to quantify what the worst thing could be
  5. Focus on what you want to have happen
  6. Take things a day at a time
  7. Always be moving forward
  8. Be quick to decide
  9. Measure everything of significance
  10. Anything that is not managed will deteriorate
  11. Pay attention to your competitors, but pay more attention to what you’re doing
  12. Never let anybody push you around
  13. Never expect life to be fair
  14. Solve your own problems
  15. Don’t take yourself too seriously
  16. There’s always a reason to smile.

Forget “One-a-Day” — best policy is to live with each concept thoroughly and get it right before focusing on the next.  I’ll add my own comments in parentheses after each rule, so please share and add your own as well.  What do these rules mean to you, and how will you apply them?

Thanks to my dear friend who knows my fondness for digital marketing leaders like Bob Parsons, and shared this with me recently.

 

Bob Parsons® 16 Rules for Success in Business and Life in General

Please read the entire text and share: Copyright © 2004 Bob Parsons http://www.bobparsons.me. All rights reserved. Reproduced with permission.

Worthy of What You Need

Considering messages given to us as parents, and to our kids:

Aren’t you thankful that you don’t have to be perfect?

child learning how to make a pot on a pottery wheel, old potter

Has anyone told you that you DO have to be perfect in order to be worthy of their support, or of being believed?

Many of us grew up understanding that if we were “worthy” or “good enough” we would get the validation, time or support that we craved.  We missed out on something and became vulnerable as we went out into the world searching for what we felt we needed that was not given to us as children.

As adults many of us struggle with having love withheld – unconditional love – in marriages and relationships.   We might also struggle with an employer who withholds positive feedback or makes us feel like we somehow don’t measure up.  We feel the sting of missed opportunities or of a betrayal.

Being told that you don’t measure up, and therefore are not entitled to support – or that you are not worthy of being believed or even protected – is a tactic that we hopefully learn to recognize as we get older.

But this tactic only works for as long as we allow it to work.

Once we get it that we really do NOT need to be perfect, or to be exactly as someone else dictates to us, we can claim our worth.  We can expect to be treated better by those around us.

This is the phase I’m in with my children; helping them see that their value is not attached to their grades or to their level of sports competition, or to which friends they have or don’t have.

This is also a common theme with so many parents who talk to me about what they are facing as they work through conflict with each other and with family court professionals.

The rest of this note is for the many parents who are expressing to me or to My Advocate Center’s team that they are being told, You are so flawed that you can’t expect any better in this situation.”  They are hearing these comments directed at them as decisions are being made about parenting time and parenting rights.

Apparently you must be “perfect” to be allowed to make decisions about the care of your child, or to be allowed to freely nurture and give to your child.  Certain professionals claim authority and claim that in their perfect wisdom that they can tell you – the parent – that you do not measure up somehow, and that you must be fearful and in some cases be prepared to BUY time with your children.

Of course, no one is showing these parents what “perfect” looks like.  And parents in most cases are not given the chance improve upon their alleged shortcomings before finding out they’ve lost everything.  Many are not even allowed to see the results of their evaluations and tests to learn what their actual flaws and faults are…when those things are being used to take away CHILDREN.

No, it’s not right how these parents are being treated – and it’s not right what is being done to their children in the process.   

There is no “win” in this for the children, only for the professionals holding these families captive and able to control time, decision-making and all of the family’s financial resources.

And just imagine how the kids feel seeing their parents under this much stress?   If a parent is beaten down and made to believe they are not worthy, and have no rights and no chance, what do you think this does to a child’s peace of mind, sense of self-worth and stability?

I can confirm for you that it is just BAD all around.   And completely unnecessary – – and preventable.

So let’s go back to the initial concept here:  if you are worthy enough to be allowed to parent your child, then say so.  Act like it.  If your child is worthy of having your love, time, nurturing and financial support, then say so.  Act like it.

If you are worthy of being believed and supported, say so.  Then act like it.  Send the right message to your kids by saying, “I am worthy of the best treatment, and therefore so are YOU.”

If the people around you – especially those who are working for YOU and who are hired to help protect your children and your rights – do not say so or if they do not act like they believe this, then why would you keep them around?

Aren’t you and your children worthy of getting what you need?   Please let me know if you still need help getting to that answer by emailing me through MyAdvocateCenter.com.

 

 

 

 

 

Coaching Kids who Need Support

Deb Beacham advocates for children having the best that both parents have to offer.

Have you heard the saying, “It takes a Village to raise a child?”

If you’re a kid then maybe you have not heard this – but I’d like for you to think about it for a minute:

This is an idea that many people believe to be true.  This is because we all believe that you – our children – are our most important purpose in life.

NOTHING is more important than your well-being.  You matter, and you matter BIG time!

Kids: let us know if you don't have what you need, or if you are trying to reconnect with a parent you lost during a divorce.
Kids: let us know if you don’t have what you need, or if you are trying to reconnect with a parent you lost during a divorce.

 

We adults have to work together to help you grow up strong, healthy and able to enjoy life and all that is wonderful about you, and about our world.  You deserve to feel safe and secure, and to be peaceful in your surroundings, and you deserve the best that your parents and family can give you.

I really believe this is true, and this is my commitment to YOU.  I say this for my children, for their friends and for all of you who are reading this on my website and blog.

If you are reading this, chances are that you are struggling with some challenge in your life that is really hard for you to overcome by yourself.   And you shouldn’t feel like you have to do this on your own…we adults have responsibility for helping you through these things.

You need people to believe you, believe in your right to be free and healthy, and you need people who will speak up on your behalf.  So here goes:

If someone is getting in the way of your rights, we adults and advocates and especially parents need to know about it.  If someone is hurting you in ANY way, we need you to be strong and tell us.  It’s the only way we can handle the people who are hurting you – and it is the only way we can help you.

You are very brave.  So know that I and our “village” recognize that, and are here to support you.  You are NOT alone.

And even if someone has disappointed you in the past when you’ve asked for help, please know that it is ok to feel disappointed and to even be angry at someone who didn’t follow through and help you.  Even though that felt bad, and you may be worried that someone else will disappoint you, I want you to try this again.

I do know that this is hard, and that when you’ve been hurt it is easier to stay quiet and to give in to shame and fear than it is to speak up and ask for help.  Just know that we can work through that, ok?

It is your right to be supported and helped through this.  So please ask your parent or another adult you trust to let me know how I can help you and them.

Who am I?

I am a Mother – one who has worked hard to help my own children overcome fear, worry and sadness.  There were people who got in my way and caused my children to hurt a lot.  So we know how you feel, and how your parents feel. My children are healthy and happy now, so if I can help them…then I can help YOU.  (No, I don’t do this alone; there are lots of great people here who want to help you!   It’s important to know I do this because I’m a good PARENT.  I work with both mothers and fathers to help kids get what they need.  Sometimes parents need help…so let’s see what we can do for them, too, ok?)

I am an Advocate – this means I work in our community to help others see what they need to do, helping them to do it BETTER, so that you can get what you need.  Does that make sense?

I am a COACH!  This is my JOB.  I lift other people up and make them stronger, so that we can all make things better for you – our kids.   If you have P.E. at school, or know about sports, you know about coaches, right?  I love coaching kids!  It’s my favorite thing to do…so think of me as someone who can help you do better in this challenging “game” that you want to win.

Our Community:

Did you know … there are many people here who want to help you?  Leaders in our business community, in our schools, at our hospitals and in our neighborhoods…all who want to work to see you get what you need!

So if this feels right to you – and you can help me help YOU – ask an adult to help you get in touch with me.

How do we get in touch with each other?  Easy… Use this page – click HERE – to send me your email and/or phone number. 

 ~ Keep being Yourself ~ Believe ~ Play ~ Dream ~ Be a Kid! ~